This summer has been really hard for me. I have been trying to run from this. But this has been happening for the last 2 and a half months. And I guess what upsets me the most is that I was warrned not to go there, but somehow it happened anyway. What I’m talking about is going to OH NO land over the summer. Being out of the swing of things has been hard for me. I feel like I am a joke around the church cause I’m not spending time in the Word and with God everyday. I’m lucky if I even say Hey to Him. And i AM JUST SOO ashamed of myself. I mean I have still attended Sunday morning church and Wednesday nights and still hung with my chase kids and ya know been that leader but I never really felt like the leader I was suppose to be because I didn’t have that daily connection with God. I tried doing everything on my own and I know that it never works and it never will doing things on my own but yet I still try to do it. Is it cause it’s human nature to be “independant?” But now that a new internship is just about to begin and I’m getting all this responsibility, I’ll tell you the truth (cause its in the title) I’m scared that I’m just going to make mistake after mistake with all this. I’m scared of what the next three years is going to hold, but at the same time I am SOOO excited! And I don’t know which one I am more of if you asked me. BUT…..God is SOOO good. I was surfing the World Wide Web (name the movie!!) and I came across this picture. And I heard God speak to me because when I saw it I was almost bawling. I heard Him say “NO matter what happened this summer, I’m right here now and forever.” And even though I knew that He never left my side through out the summer it was just soo encouraging to hear that. And I know He is always around me, but when I saw this picture I felt Him like I could never explain. It was just in a refreshing way. Like He lifted whatever it was over my eyes and I’m seeing Him in a different light.
Just like the Barlow Girl song, “Harder than then first time”
I walked with you
Just like we’ve done for so long
You seemed so near
But even that’s become so common
It’s not just you, just been together so long
That I thought I knew everything about you
But today I saw; did you open up my eyes?
‘Cause I feel like I’ve just seen you for the first time
Chorus
I didn’t see you
But God I want to
You’ve come alive
and I think I’ve fallen harder than the first time
Was I so blind; how did I not see you?
Yet in all that time you never left my side
Wow God talked to me tonight!
